My Soul Magnifies the Lord

“My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior” (Lk 1:47)

A friend and I were discussing what it means to magnify the Lord, for the Lord is infinite; Mary could not increase the glory of the Lord or somehow added to His goodness.  So how does Mary magnify the Lord?

When we looked at how a magnifying glass functions, it was clear that it does not somehow increase the light of the sun, the sun becomes no brighter or hotter because the magnifying glass is below it. Rather, the magnifying glass focuses and intensifies the power of the sun and ignites a small part of a dry leaf. 

As does Mary.

Her fiat focused the love of the Lord to the point that He became human.  The yes of her soul magnified the Lord to the tiniest size of a single cell, imbued with the intensity of love to grow and choose the crucifixion. Mary did not somehow make God bigger; but rather, she became the magnifying glass that ignited the world with God’s salvation.

Today is the feast of The Most Holy Name of Mary, and what and appropriate time to celebrate she who magnifies the Lord.

While remembering September 11 yesterday, it is clear that so many people followed Mary’s example to magnify the Lord for their brothers and sisters.  There are countless stories of the people who made a sacrifice that intensely made the presence of God known.  In the midst of such horror, the love of God was able to piece the pain through the yes of generous souls.

How desperately there needs to be a magnifying glass between heaven and earth focusing God’s love and peace on the people of Syria.  I imagine the prayers of Pope Francis, and all those who joined in prayer and fasting on Saturday, focusing God’s goodness on Syria.  But it is clear that we need to focus the magnifying glass even more intensely.  As Pope Francis said on Saturday,

Leave behind the self-interest that hardens your heart, overcome the indifference that makes your heart insensitive towards others, conquer your deadly reasoning, and open yourself to dialogue and reconciliation.

We need to magnify the Lord in a very real way, a way that fosters dialogue and reconciliation in order to bring about peace.  People, especially the people of Syria need to know intensely the peace and love of God.  We are called to genuinely dispose our souls to magnify the reconciliation, and thus the peace, of our God. Pope Francis exhorts us,

Let us pray for reconciliation and peace, let us work for reconciliation and peace, and let us all become, in every place, men and women of reconciliation and peace!

Mary, Queen of Peace, teach us, and pray for us.

In Mary's Garden at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception

The God-Shaped Hole

God has really wanted me to consider the shape of the hole in my heart lately.

From Sunday's Gospel a couple weeks ago:

But God said to him,
"You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you;
and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?"
Thus will it be for all who store up treasure for themselves
but are not rich in what matters to God.
~Luke 12: 20-21

The homilist spoke of the "God shaped hole" in each of our hearts. The things of the earth will not fill it, only the things of God, for it is only God who can fill the void.

This called to mind what Paschal said:
There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every human which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.

To which I responded in a paper in college:
As a theist and a Christian, God is Love, and Jesus Christ is God Incarnate; and so, the quote can be rewritten as, “There is a love-shaped vacuum in the heart of every human which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by Love, made known through Embodied Love.” Not only is the human person created to love another, but she is created to be loved by another. It is through embodying the gift of love that has been endowed to humans through the soul, that a human person fulfills her nature, fills the vacuum in her heart.

...And so, paradoxically, to fill the “vacuum” a human person does not fill herself more, but rather gives more of herself away...

While reading The Book of Mev I read one of Mev Puleo's journal entries:

God, I used to think you dwelled in a secret chamber inside me. I used to think we were so close that there wasn't room for anyone else inside...

Now, there isn't a secret chamber. There is a God-shaped hole that will never be filled but only accompanied. At the core is a tomb with our silence, waiting, accompaniment. But all over is epiphany and Emmanuel, God-with-us...

So, while I'm in the tomb and I don't know who Jesus is and if the "Christ" is Jesus and what the hell is going on with my faith--I am also in the womb and something new is being forged and revealed. It is as awesome and dumbfounding as new birth.

What an aching throbbing hole we each carry in our hearts, at least I do. I think my hole is shaped a little bit like uncertainty of the future, nervousness for change and sometimes loneliness.

But what power and healing the infinite love of God has to fill this hole. God is constantly giving me the gifts of certitude, confidence and community.  I am finding myself building relationships here and continuing to connect with friends from the past. How glorious to know that my heart can always accept more of God's love. For as He continues to love me and fill the hole in my heart, my heart-hole is deepened to accept more of His love. My heart will never reach its capacity of the love of His. He will always love me even more.

July in Snapshots

A Capital Fourth!

The beautiful blooming pink tree in the backyard

Bastille Day Celebrations! Vive la France!

The only thing more awkward than a
mannequin in clerics in your office...

...is a naked mannequin in your office!

Sunset while listening to some rooftop New Orleans Jazz

The day I took over my coworker's desk while she was on vacation

My pilgrimage to Rio in DC
to celebrate World Youth Day in Rio with hundreds of Catholics in DC
Can't wait for WYD in Krakow in 2016!!

Please pardon the poor arrangement of photos...I lack the skills necessary to make them go where I want!

I'm Sorry I Can't

Monday Morning Voicemail at Work
Hi, I'm calling because I just... vision of Jesus and Mary...and they were there...I saw Jesus... I don't know what to do...they were there, Jesus and Mary

Continues on for 2 minutes 9 seconds

I make faces as I listen to the voicemail, clearly confused.  Even more confused by the end because there is no name or contact information given.

Phone Conversation Tuesday Morning
Hello, this is Anusia
Did you get my message?
I'm sorry sir, who am I speaking with? Did you email or call?
I left a voicemail over the weekend. Can you help me??
Yes sir, I got your voicemail, what did you need help with?
I have tried calling my diocese, my priest, EWTN and all I have experienced is mean spirited people. I need to know the answer to my question.
Continues to ask questions about Church doctrine that I know the answers to
I am not the person to be contacting for answers to those questions, I would recommend finding a priest or looking in the Catechism.
You're telling me that you personally don't know the answer?
I'm sorry sir, I can't help you.
Can't you just tell me the answer.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Goodbye.

Walking Home from Work
Excuse me, I'm trying to get
Says something I don't understand
I'm sorry, I can't
I don't even know what you just asked me
Ok, thats a pretty dress you have on
I just walk away

My Brain
I'm sorry, I can't. I can't or I won't. He needed help.  That was clear, and not just with the answers to questions of doctrine.  I cannot trust every stranger who begins to speak with me.  Should I have done something more? But I really can't at work. Maybe I could have been more polite to the stranger.  Yea, I should've been more polite. What are my priorities? Helping people vs. following rules vs. safety vs. not being rude vs. being present to others...

I want to be like Jesus, bring Jesus to others, love Jesus in others.

But did Jesus ever say "I'm sorry, I can't"? Not that I can think of. So does that mean I need to take that phrase out of my vocabulary?

But I guess there's a difference, He's God, I'm not. There's nothing He can't do.

So I guess I'll just have to be ok with asking Him to help me keep figuring it out.

The Light of the World

Sometimes the Light of the World just needs a ride

Sometimes the Light of the World just wants to pay for His food

Sometimes the Light of the World is the highest bidder

Whoa.

Sunday Rest

Today was a day for rest.  Not just because it was Sunday, because typically on a Sunday I go out on some adventure seeking to complete another item on my DC bucket list.

Instead, today I stayed home.  All day.  I rested and sweated in the house as the temperature and humidity slowly climbed every since the rain shower stopped this morning.

This morning I prayed and struggled to pray in a parish sparsely populated with people two to three to four times my age.  Or with people who are one fifth my age. A population that both loves their parish and attends for obligation.

Maybe I can't make those judgements yet, I have only been here a few weeks.

I felt transported in time as I listened to two favorite radio shows while crocheting, my mind filling with romantic daydreams of allowing this Sunday ritual to become routine throughout my life.

Sr. D is back from Panama and back to trying to learn English.  I tutored her and we worked through her workbooks, trying to explain to her what "blood pressure" and "soon" mean through sign language and basic phrases.  Also that the "er" on laughter does not indicate more of something, like "happier."

I wrote a letter to Africa, to a community of volunteers that I was almost a part of.   Sad that I am not with them, but logically knowing it's right that I am here.

And that is what confuses me, or rather who.  Jesus.  A man of such simplicity, that I so easily overcomplicate.  I am a Catholic woman wandering around this life, or more immediately through Washington DC, trying to find peace and joy and love and happiness and stability and friends and an education and the right metro train and a beautiful flower and place to get a haircut.   So I get a map and join young adult groups and commit to living in one place for a year and get out the scissors and stand in front of the mirror while I cut my hair.  And all the while, try to find Jesus, because if everything I have been taught is to be true He is here and around here and in here and filling here.

So all of this life stuff must have meaning and must be heading somewhere that I do not yet know.

And that is entirely possible, in fact probable, if not certain, for there are many things that I do not yet know.

And so today I rest, because tomorrow is Monday and I have work in the morning.